{"id":460,"date":"2012-10-25T08:48:33","date_gmt":"2012-10-25T08:48:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.de-annblack.com\/?page_id=460"},"modified":"2013-01-12T13:29:11","modified_gmt":"2013-01-12T13:29:11","slug":"oops-im-a-secret-agent-sample","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.de-annblack.com\/?page_id=460","title":{"rendered":"Oops! I’m A Secret Agent sample"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Oops<\/a><\/p>\n

Chapter One<\/h3>\n

\u00a0It Was All Rupert\u2019s Fault<\/h3>\n

I blame the whole fiasco on Rupert. Yes, it was definitely his fault that I was sitting in the heart of the department in London waiting to see if I\u2019d made the cut and been shortlisted for the job. Not just any job. This was a secret agent\u2019s job. Whatever that was. Come on, we\u2019ve all seen the movie version of what spies do \u2014 all grit, glamour and fast\u2013action camera angles. But what do they really do? This was my second interview and I was still none the wiser. I\u2019d have made more of an effort if I\u2019d thought I was a serious contender, but I didn\u2019t think I had a chance.
\n     I\u2019m a serial job loser. I\u2019ve been made redundant from more jobs than I can remember. Truly. My CV has lots of gaps because even I can\u2019t keep up with the trail of employment debris. \u2018Jenny the Jinx\u2019, that\u2019s what Rupert calls me, even though my name is Neve. He feels sorry for anyone who gives me a job because within a year their business has flushed itself down the loo \u2014 and me with it. I\u2019ve always been adamant that it\u2019s not my fault. But weighed down with guilt, yet again, I\u2019d told Rupert I was going to become self\u2013employed. I mistakenly thought I had a knack for art and design. I was going to create funky t\u2013shirts and sell them online. Demand would quadruple. I was sure of it. So sure, I invested the last thousand pounds I had to my name buying a hot\u2013press printer and t\u2013shirts in every colour imaginable.
\n     When I lost every penny of my investment in record time he\u2019d snorted and sneered as I looked through the job pages in the newspaper while we ate a very economical beans on toast dinner. He\u2019d insisted we had to budget. His salary was great, but he was protecting it so we could keep up the payments on the mortgage of our home. Actually it was my home but he\u2019d moved in three years ago and it just seemed like he owned it.
\n     Anyway, there was an advertisement in the paper for people to work for the department, vaguely described as part of British Intelligence. Secret stuff. It hardly seemed genuine. I mean, it was secretive. Would they really stick an advert in the newspaper for everyone to read? It was situated between a vacancy for a poodle parlour assistant and a barperson with a sparkling personality. But it was real. I said to Rupert that I\u2019d like to give it a go (the secret department stuff, not the poodle parlour or sparkly barperson).
\n     He almost choked on his toast, and the sneer he gave me became the impetus for what happened.
\n     So that\u2019s basically why it\u2019s Rupert\u2019s fault. If he\u2019d laughed lightly, gave a little grin, or perhaps humoured me that I could have a go at this type of work then I\u2019d never have bothered applying. However, I emailed my patchwork CV. I didn\u2019t even have to write a letter, which added to the spur of the moment madness. And get this \u2014 they had a website. How can that be? That\u2019s not very secretive, is it?
\n     Rupert continued to smirk whenever I checked my email in the wildest hope that they\u2019d replied. I\u2019d set myself a target. All I needed was a message, an acknowledgment that some secret agent had read my application and turned it down personally. Then I\u2019d show Rupert that I\u2019d got a message from the department\u2019s headquarters in London. I never dreamed they would though. Never ever\u2026
\n     But life is full of surprises. They replied the following day and invited me to come in for an interview. I nearly chickened out. Then Rupert came to bolster my determination yet again with a look of sheer indignation. He thought they\u2019d obviously mixed me up with someone else. I only went to the interview to\u2026I hate to admit this, but I really only went there so I could thumb my nose at Rupert and say \u2014 see, I met them, and had tea and biscuits and they were very nice.
\n     Which weirdly turned out to be what happened. They didn\u2019t even ask me lots of prying questions. We chatted informally. Then they asked me to come back for a second interview. So I went. Several other hopefuls were waiting in the long, polished corridor that looked just like you see in the movies. I was the only woman. None of us spoke or acknowledged each other. I found that very strange and was tempted to get up and say something to lighten the mood, but I could see from their frowns, lack of laughter lines around the eyes and steely\u2013set jaws that any silly behaviour would ensure I\u2019d be thrown out of the building.
\n     As I sat there waiting to hear who had effectively won the star prize, trying not to giggle at how bizarre the situation was, I heard voices coming from the vent beside my chair. I was sitting apart from the others, and the voices were so faint that I had to strain to eavesdrop. But I\u2019ve got good hearing. Excellent in fact.
\n     \u2018I think we can narrow it down to these three,\u2019 said a man who had a very snippy voice.
\n     \u2018I can narrow it to two,\u2019 said another man.
\n     \u2018Apart from that one there, their qualifications are excellent,\u2019 said the first man.
\n     A third man with a lusciously sexy voice disagreed. \u2018They\u2019re over qualified for the job. They\u2019ll become malcontent and end up moving on. We need someone who\u2019ll be happy with what we have to offer.\u2019
\n     The others seemed to agree.
\n     \u2018It\u2019ll be far easier to train this one,\u2019 Mr sexy voice added. \u2018A clean slate.\u2019
\n     I heard him stab his finger on the desk, presumably pointing to the applicant\u2019s photograph. My photo was awful. I\u2019d opened my mouth to ask if I should smile or not and they\u2019d clicked the picture. I looked like I was pouting like a diva but without the stunning features to back it up. Not that I\u2019m ugly. I\u2019m pretty okay with a bit of effort. However I made a mental note not to pull my silky brown hair back into a chignon when I looked so pale, and if I wanted my blue eyes to look better I needed a second coat of mascara. And a slick of lip gloss wouldn\u2019t have gone amiss. I\u2019d worn a black suit and opted for a businesslike look though inside I was more of a high street fashion chick.
\n     There was some mumbling and a lot of humming and hawing, and then they all seemed to agree on one candidate.
\n     \u2018This would be my choice,\u2019 the snippy voice said firmly. \u2018What do you think, Alexavier?\u2019
\n     Alexavier? I\u2019d read on the information sheet that he was the head guy of this particular department. His decision would be final. Apparently only those who passed muster got to meet him, so I\u2019d yet to make his acquaintance. I glanced at the men who were waiting to see if they\u2019d been selected, and was trying to guess which one they were talking about. Probably the studious looking chap in the brown suit. He didn\u2019t look like a malcontent to me. The others were rather too sophisticated with qualifications up to their ears if their bulging portfolios were anything to go by. Mr Brown Suit had his resume stuffed in his jacket pocket. Yep, he was my bet.
\n     Alexavier mumbled something. I couldn\u2019t make out what it was. I was too busy mentally matching the sexy voice to the man who was the head of the department. He wasn\u2019t the head of the whole thing, just this niche. Then he said, \u2018This is the one for me.\u2019
\n     \u2018Why would you choose this one, Alexavier?\u2019 one of them asked.
\n     \u2018Because she\u2019s completely forgettable,\u2019 said Alexavier. \u2018No one will remember her and that\u2019s exactly what we need.\u2019
\n     She? Her? Oh jeez! It couldn\u2019t possibly be me.
\n     \u2018Look at her interests,\u2019 said Alexavier. \u2018Reading, she says she enjoys reading everything. Word search puzzles and timing herself to see how fast she can finish them. Keeping fit by dancing around her living room every day to fitness DVDs and by shopping.\u2019
\n     \u2018She keeps fit by shopping?\u2019 one of them said. I heard the diss in his tone.
\n     \u2018The mind boggles,\u2019 said Alexavier. \u2018But she passed the fitness tests. She\u2019s extremely fit and outdid all the men.\u2019
\n     So that\u2019s why they\u2019d put me on the treadmill for half an hour and told me to go for gold.
\n     \u2018I must give up the gym and trying shopping,\u2019 one of them joked.
\n     A light laughter rippled through to me.
\n     \u2018Basically she\u2019s a bookworm with an analytical mind. She wouldn\u2019t be bored by all the documents and research data she\u2019d have to read through, and she\u2019s pretty damn fit if she was to be used out in the field,\u2019 Alexavier summarised.
\n     The field? What field? No one mentioned the countryside to me.
\n     \u2018Yes, you\u2019re right,\u2019 snippy voice agreed.
\n     \u2018She\u2019d be ideal for deskbound duties,\u2019 said Alexavier. \u2018And fieldwork.\u2019
\n     The door to the interview office clicked open and two men came out. One of them spoke.
\n     \u2018Thank you for waiting. We\u2019ve made our decision.\u2019 He turned to me. \u2018Neve, congratulations.\u2019
\n     There was a low rumbling of seats as the male applicants got the message and started to leave. The looks they gave me could\u2019ve curdled jelly.
\n     My stomach did a triple somersault.
\n     The man nodded to me and held the office door open.
\n     I picked up my bag and walked towards the office.
\n     This was crazy. Crazy brilliant. Then I remembered the reason I\u2019d been chosen. I was completely forgettable. There had to be a compliment in there somewhere. I was still searching for it when the tall, dark and heartbreakingly handsome figure of Alexavier shook my hand and welcomed me to the department.
\n     
\n     Rupert didn\u2019t take the news well. When I told him I started a week on Monday, he packed his bags and was gone by Tuesday. That was the last I saw of him. Apparently his ego was dented beyond repair. I was left with the feeling that I\u2019d had a narrow escape. Rupert wasn\u2019t the man I thought he was. Rupert was a weasel. In fact, when he did that snorting, disapproving thing with his nose, he looked like one too. I was also left with the full brunt of the mortgage to pay.
\n     I sat on the sofa and pondered my options. I\u2019d never really had any true intention of working for the secret people. My silliness had gone too far. But I did need a job. I didn\u2019t have any money left in the bank. Working as a poodle parlour assistant wasn\u2019t an option. And as for the sparkly barperson\u2026well, I\u2019d tried bar work once. Only once. I couldn\u2019t mix the cocktails, I messed up the money and unintentionally insulted two customers. The boss told me I should never come back. I never did.
\n     In my hands I had the contract for the department\u2019s work. The money was tempting and I got the use of a car. I\u2019d have been mad to say no, sorry, I was just kidding, and somehow run after Rupert and tell him I\u2019d rattled back down the loser\u2019s ladder to a rung he felt comfortable with.
\n     Working as a secret agent? I would have a go at that. They were promising to train me, teach me everything I needed to know.
\n     So that was it. Somehow I\u2019d become a secret agent by default, by accident. Oops! I\u2019m a secret agent. I was now officially employed by the department. Jenny the Jinx was on her way.
\n     <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Chapter One \u00a0It Was All Rupert\u2019s Fault I blame the whole fiasco on Rupert. Yes, it was definitely his fault that I was sitting in the heart of the department in London waiting to see if I\u2019d made the cut and been shortlisted for the job. Not just any job. This was a secret agent\u2019s … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":43,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-460","page","type-page","status-publish"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.de-annblack.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/460","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.de-annblack.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.de-annblack.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.de-annblack.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.de-annblack.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=460"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.de-annblack.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/460\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":530,"href":"https:\/\/www.de-annblack.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/460\/revisions\/530"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.de-annblack.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/43"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.de-annblack.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=460"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}